It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
