I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize