I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
