i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
