Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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