i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
MIDGETS
????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
