Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
