It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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