quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
