You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
