I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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