I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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