No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
