Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
