Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize