6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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