I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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