This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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