May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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