its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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