i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
