omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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