Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
