I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
