I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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