The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
