I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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