I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
