Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
