she looked like the before picture.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
