non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
