Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
