That's when you crack a 10am beer
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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