I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
