I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize