a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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