sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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