Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
