benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
