I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
