chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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