You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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