3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize