I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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