I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
