Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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