Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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