woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
