I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
