we're blogging at a bar
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
