Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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