How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
