So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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