Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
