i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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