I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
