Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
