just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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