Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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