he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
