Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
