if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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