Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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