and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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