The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can't just leave with hair like that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
