she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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