Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
