The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
