So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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