Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
