That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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