definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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