i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
