Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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