Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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