In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
