My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
