I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
