i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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