i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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