I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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