WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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