dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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