I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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