I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
