dude i'm inner monologue high
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
