is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
soo... how was my night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
