it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
