From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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