i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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