um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
