dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
