just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
