Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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