guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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